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Five Grievances Of The Modern Day Festivalgoer

By Ian A. Garcia

With Bottle Rock, BFD, and Outside Lands around the corner I decided to ask a simple question that has been on my mind for quite sometime. I know the do’s of music festivals, but what are the dont’s of attending music festivals?

After minutes of carefully interviewing festival goers and delicately researching the culture of festivals, I soon reached a level of intimacy with the concept of what makes a music festival great. As I sat in my hemp hammock weaving my flower crown for Coachella, it became apparent that in order to cleanse my chi, I must air out my grievances. I present to you the five commandments of what not to do at music festivals.

1. Thou Shalt Not Sit on One’s Shoulders

I understand, you want to post a Tumblr photo of you at a music festival so that all of your friends can turn green with envy and comment how they want your life. However the vertically challenged man or woman behind you paid just as much as you to see Kayne go on another rant mid set as you did. Please show some courtesy for the people around you and stay with your naturally height. It is only fair.

2. Two Snaps will suffice any more shall be considered pretentious

As explained to me by a religious festival goer, we’ll call him Justin, you are aloud two snaps for Snapchat. One when you arrive, and one when you are sad that it is over, however there is the exception of taking one of your friend passed out in the middle of a field. Enjoy the music with your own eyes and ears, the full performance will be on the internet in a free hours so why tamper with the experience by focusing on if your iPhone/iPad is recording.

3. One’s intoxication shall be met with regulation

Partying at music festivals is great and expected, however a wave of  inebriation will slowly roll throughout the crowd and you will see a peaceful fun concert turn into a fraternity party real quick. Those who got “too drunk” can quickly kill the vibe of a concert with their uncontrolled behavior. Aaron B. and Mark O., whom happen to be connoisseurs of Music Festivals, had this to say about one of the most important of the grievances.

“It becomes a hassle trying to navigate through the drunks who have decided to pass out right in the middle of traffic. Pace yourself when you drink. Don’t be known as that guy that got too drunk.”

4. Thou Shan’t Start Inappropriate Moshpits

Moshpits are a part of music culture and have become a great way to subtly take out that one guy who claims to be a Juggalo.  I love mosh pits as much as anyone else, but there is always a time and place for everything. Depending on the venue and band it may not be the best time or place to start a wall of death.

Artists you should mosh too: Slayer, Flogging Molly, Slip Knot, Odd Future, A$AP Rocky, Aaron Axelsen, Snoop Dogg (I don’t know if Snoop Dogg would fit this list but it’d be funny to see).

Artists you should not mosh too: Elton John, Sam Smith, Of Monsters and Men, Prince, any Orchestra.

5. Thou Shall Attend for Thy Music and Not Just for Thee Social Scene

“I really hate it when girls are too focused on their looks instead of having a good time…”

— Brittany L.; (Coachella Veteran)

We have encountered a time where society has become so entranced by social media that many are too concerned about how they look in photos, or what their friend is posting to even begin to appreciate the artist that is in-front of them. This could be the performance of a life time, your Instagram post,  and your friends conversation can wait. Take sometime to appreciate the music and the atmosphere.

And with that I have officially cleansed my chi and can move forward to rant about student debt.

Namaste.

 

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