Facebook wants to make it easier to take a break from your ex without having to formally block or unfriend them when things don’t work out. A new update allows you to customize your breakup experience. You can decide how much of your ex you want showing up on your feed, and you can decide how much of you they’re going to see. Maybe you only want them to see pictures of you out having fun, not that picture of you crying over a bowl of cereal alone in your apartment. Maybe you’re dating someone new and you want to make them jealous. And you can even get rid of those old pictures of you and your ex that you’re still tagged in. But if you get back together, you can restore all of this.
Sure you can pay extra for wild caught salmon or you can get duped by the farm-raised salmon façade. Now there’s a new type of salmon you can buy: genetically modified salmon has been approved by the FDA. This type has been referred to as “frankenfish.” It grows twice as fast, looks and tastes just like conventional salmon, and has just been declared safe for human consumption. Get ready to get salmon-duped even more, because they also don’t require stores to label this salmon “genetically engineered.” Many retailers like Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s have vowed they won’t sell this salmon even after the approval was announced.
Here’s what’s coming and no longer coming to a TV near you. John Cena has a new reality show, a military themed competition show called American Grit. 16 of the country’s toughest men and women split into four teams face a variety of military-grade and survival-themed challenges to win the grand prize of up to a “million dollars.” That’s coming next year on FOX. What you won’t see any more of is The Soup. After 22 seasons and 11 million hours of bad reality clips, America has had enough Soup. Joel McHale is excited to focus more on his acting career from here on out, and says “Thanks to Kim Kardashian’s ass for all that it’s done for me and my family.”
Oh Jared. From selling sandwiches to sitting behind bars. These books just write themselves sometimes. Jared Fogle has been sentenced to 15 and a half years in prison. I don’t know why they didn’t round up. Maybe the judge got cheated out of a foot-long at Subway. Nonetheless he got more jail time than the prosecution even asked for. He plead guilty to child pornography and travelling to illicit sex from a minor. He also has to be on lifetime supervision and was given a fine of $175,000. Now the question we are all waiting to answer: what’s better, the Subway diet or the prison diet?
There are a lot of dummies out there. Some would argue several of them are in this room. But which states have the dumbest and the smartest people? With all the geniuses in the Bay Area we’ve got to be at the top of the list, right? Nope, guess the dum dums in the other parts of the state cancel it out. The smartest state is Massachussetts, followed by Minnesota, New Hampshire and Connecticut. We didn’t make the top ten. The dumbest state is New Mexico! Followed by Arizona, North Carolina, Louisiana and West Virginie. Florida of course made the top ten on that list.
There’s been a long-standing rumor about Derek Jeter. They call it the gift basket rumor. The rumor that after a one-night stand, Jeter will send a wonderful gift basket to say thank you, don’t come again. Well, he finally addressed it. Joe Buck interviewed him on his new show Undeniable, and this is what he said: http://www.brobible.com/sports/article/derek-jeter-gift-basket-rumor/
There’s a new spider in town, and he has no eyes, giant legs and dwells in caves. I guess that’s why they’ve decided to name him after Gollum from Lord of the Rings. As if spiders weren’t scary enough, here’s a new breed with no eyes that lurks in a cave. At least it’s in Brazil, but of course we did just learn about bugs from South America that have already made their was to Texas and are pooping on people’s faces. Anyway, arachnid expert Christopher Buddle discovered this new spider and he must be a fan of Lord of the Rings because he named it Iandumoema smeagol. The biology and the behavior is the same!
Walmart served up a large can on weak sauce. An employee who is also a former homeless ex con was working there, and perhaps out of an old habit, he collected the aluminum cans in the parking lot and put them through the recycle machine to get five dollars and ten cents extra. Which is over half of what he makes in an hour. But this wasn’t ok with Walmart and they decided to fire him. Because for them it was considered theft of company property. That’s right, discarded cans and bottles in the parking lot were considered assets of the Walmart corporation.