I am very happy to report that the San Francisco parking authority owes you money. If you’ve received a ticket between 1995 and 2012, chances are you paid double or at least overpaid that expired meter ticket. In fact, San Francisco owes hundreds of people roughly $6 million dollars from overcharging people. But there is retribution. You can claim this money if you’re on their list, but you have to do it by March 5th or that sweet money becomes the property of the city once again. So check, and get your money! See the list here:
If I had three wishes, one of them would definitely be for Morgan Freeman to narrate my everyday life. That won’t happen, but at least now he can serenade you on your way to work because he is the newest addition to the Waze voice options. Of course, there are your standard voices like Jane, Amy and Nathan. But then new ones were added like “boy band,” Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Kevin Hart and even Colonel Sanders. But this is the voice we’ve all been waiting for. Morgan Freeman will firmly but gently tell you to take a left on Powell, or more accurately tell you you can’t make a left on Powell. But he will get you where you need to go “like a twinkie, like a twinkie.”
Nobody really has it better than the Warriors right now. It seems like every game they’re hitting a new record, and last night’s game against the Hawks was no different. They blew through a 23 point lead and managed to snag their 50th win, making them the quickest team to reach 50 wins in one season. Steph Curry put up 36 points, proving he’s just beating his own records at this point. Last season he had 27 games where he put up at least five three-pointers, and this season he’s already at 28. And he’ll probably set yet another one soon, because he’s gone 126 straight games with at least one three-pointer, one away from the most in NBA history.
Between wigga-themed high school parties and racist Fraternity chants, schools have gotten hyper-aware of anything even remotely racist. And they’re quick to punish anyone involved. Which for the most part is a good thing, but then there are the times where students can’t even wear an exfoliating mud mask without being accused of racial insensitivity. Two students from the University of Winsconsin posted a picture of themselves in a dark brown exfoliating face mask. But it wasn’t long before the school’s chancellor accused them of being racist by using “blackface.” They were reprimanded, but they then explained to chancellor Beverly Kopper that they weren’t trying to hate, just to exfoliate. Now the chancellor is getting backlash for being an idiot. After all, who knows about racism more than a woman named Beverly??
We’ve all had nights where we’ve had one-too-many drinks at the bar, but a new law in California, if passed, would ensure that never happens again. The new law would make it mandatory for bartenders to intervene when you’ve had too much to drink. Each bartender would have to take a four-hour course focusing on the social impact of alcohol, how booze impacts the body and intervention techniques. And they would have to retake that every three years. Being a bartender can be fun, but not when your job consists of denying people the number one thing they want from you: alcohol. If this passes though, it won’t go into effect until 2020, so until then, drink up. Responsibly, of course.
El Chapo is currently rotting away in a prison cell after breaking out of prison and trying to make a movie with Sean Penn. But his super hot beauty queen wife has just spoken out, because she is horrified by the conditions he is now living under. Sure, he was the most wanted man in the world and he made the Mexican government look like a bunch of idiots, but that doesn’t mean they can treat him like an animal, right?? El Chapo’s wife is speaking out, saying he’s being treated so badly she “fears for his life. They watch him in his cell, don’t let him sleep, don’t let him go to the bathroom alone.” More importantly, he doesn’t get conjugal visits either, which after seeing his wife makes me feel really bad for him.
You’re just chillin’ at a rave, dancing away, when someone approaches you with some molly and you think to yourself: what else am I going to do on a Tuesday night? I don’t condone this behavior, of course. But you might change your mind about raves after hearing this: a new study has found that 40% of people at raves are taking bath salts when they think they’re taking Molly. Researchers tested a number of regular drug users and found that nearly half of them tested positive for bath salts. But when asked if they’d ever taken them, they said “I don’t do bath salts. I’m not a zombie eating people’s faces.” So be careful out there, or you could be eating faces at your next rave. And rave faces taste awful.
Yesterday we learned about air fresheners killing us slowly in our homes, and today the toxic fume stories have moved up into the friendly skies. Flight attendants are claiming toxic airline fumes are making them sick and that the airlines are looking the other way. A little while ago you might remember a flight having to turn around in the air after flight attendants started passing out and getting mysteriously sick. The employees think it has to do with the fumes on the plane, but airlines say they’ve tested the planes and that there are no issues with the aircrafts. But the flight attendants are not satisfied, and reports of strange smells, headaches, nausea, memory loss and tremors continue to pour in.
Here’s an animal-related headline that’s not a lie: Public fears rattlesnake colony may escape and kill everybody. Over in Massachussetts, they have big plans to release a colony of rattlesnakes on a deserted island. Fears over the extinction of certain species have led to this desperate attempt to re-populate the planet. But when they announced they would be doing this with rattlesnakes, the neighboring areas flipped out. They’re terrified the snakes will breed like rabbits and then swim over to the mainland and “kill everybody.” I guess the fear of animal takeover is spreading throughout the states. But experts claim this is fear is just asinine, and the last death from a rattlesnake bite was back in colonial times.