Tommy Chong is someone we’ve talked to multiple times now (though he never remembers our names.) Regardless he’s a friend, a proud endorser of the ganja and up until now a proud endorser for Bernie Sanders. But now Tommy has been burned by Bern, and he’s not happy about it. He was recently scheduled to be the intro speaker at Bernie’s rally in Los Angeles. Tommy claims he’d been talking back and forth with his campaign for months, had been talking about how excited he was during interviews. But when it came time for him to actually attend, he was uninvited. He thinks it was his love of marijuana that changed their minds, though how could you not want the star of movies like Still Smokin’ and the Evil Bong endorsing your campaign? Tommy claims he got into hair and makeup all for nothing, and that it was an insult to be disinvited at the last minute. Which is too bad, because many of the Sanders supporters I know support all kinds of burning, and pissing off the marijuana community is not a smart move, though we’ll probably just smoke and forget it ever happened.
This story is Darwinism at its finest. The process of natural selection has taken care of people who purchase hoverboards, and now it’s being done to the vape community. First it was a man’s pants catching fire when his one exploded in his pocket, and now this. A man has blown an entire hole in his tongue while vaping. Which is ironic, because the main reason people vape is so they can talk about vaping. This guy was just hanging out having his morning vape sesh, when the battery exploded knocking out teeth, ripping a hole in his tongue and leaving his hands covered in burns. It’s your daily feel bad story! Courtesy of our show:
I’ve learned recently during the process of trying to get my passport that it’s pretty easy to get your identity stolen these days. Of course, doing things like leaving my passport application on the work printer don’t help, but the probability of getting your identity stolen doesn’t just depend on doing dumb things like this. It also depends on where you live, and you’d better believe California made the top ten list of states with the highest amount of identity theft. California was #10th, according to the Federal Trade Commission. In the top five were Maryland (you’re home state), Florida (though I’m sure people there make it pretty easy by constantly forget their wallets in their meth labs). Connecticut was #2, and the number one biggest state for identity theft is Missouri.
If you’ve ever watched a TV show after 11pm, you’ve undoubtedly seen the long commercials about helping old people get up stairs. It seems 2am is the target time to address this issue. But all the grip canes and mini chair elevators of this world might be going out of business soon, because stair-climbing wheelchairs have just been invented. Toyota and Segway have made the partnership of a lifetime to create iBot, the gigantic wheelchair that can climb any staircase known to man. Basically this thing has four wheels instead of the usual two, and when not being used to climb things, they’re stacked on top of each other, so when at rest you look like a bionic giant. This thing makes you ungodly tall. From the look of it, taller than a normal standing human. Videos of this thing scaling hilltops, mountains and staircases is something to behold and, I think, the new best way to climb Everest. I mean, look at this fucking thing!!!
Last week we learned about a newly discovered dinosaur species. A female triceratops with curvy horns. It really got Trendasaurus going. And we have even more good news for his dating life because new research has discovered the Tyrannosaurus Rex had lips. The dinosaur is known for exposing his gigantic teeth, but now it turns out they might have been hidden behind a beautiful set of Angelina Jolie-eque lips. In which case, he was probably a lot less scary at first glance. They found out after studying the dino’s teeth and realizing the enamel was very hydrated, and if the T-Rex’s teeth were exposed, his enamel would be very dry. Of course the internet celebrated this news by photoshopping T-Rexes with duck lips. But this is good news for Trendasaurus’ love life!
How much time do you spend having sex? Whatever you answered, it’s not enough. In fact, as it turns out, people would rather spend time sitting in front of an iPhone screen than humping. According to new research, you only spend about .45% of your life, or 117 days in your entire lifetime, having sex. And why? Because you’d rather spend time liking Brenda’s new Facebook profile picture. According the latest study, we spend roughly 50 minutes each day just scrolling through Facebook and Instagram. And those stats have likely increased in the last year. But before you freak out and post about this, don’t worry. There are apps to solve all these problems. BangFit is there to improve your sex life and your exercise routine, and a new app called Spontime has just launched, which is a social media app that helps you spend less time on social media. So, it’s all taken care of, just let technology work these problems out for you.