Warriors fans have been giving Draymond Green the benefit of the doubt after learning he bitch slapped a man at a Michigan bar the other weekend. When the story left off, Draymond had been booked for the incident and posted a $200 bail. But now that the police report has come out, people are trying to forgive him all over again. After more details were released, it seems the incident was a lot more than just a bitch slap. First of all, the guy he was fighting with was identified as a football player from Michigan State. He and Draymond had allegedly been beefing all night, and Draymond made it worse by physically running into him in passing. When the guy told him to watch where he was going, Draymond reportedly said “I pay for n*****s’ like you scholarships,” before two men in Green’s party “choked him out.” A surveillance video was also just released of Green at the police department, which shows him laughing and joking with the officers, not really taking things seriously at all. The video also shows him getting courtesies like being able to use his cell phone and was even given a charging cable by one of the officers. I hope his phone is good and charged now, because he faces over 90 days in jail.
Good news, douches and hipsters. I know you had a hard time with the whole hoverboard thing. Those are still very explodey and that isn’t changing anytime soon. But you’ve probably also been going back and forth about your high end vape. Ever since their creation, conflicting studies have left us wondering if they’re good or bad for you. It would seem like they’re good for self-esteem, since those guys outside the bar comparing vape batteries exude nothing but confidence. As it is now, many think vaping leads to cigarette use, but according to a new study it’s just the opposite. It’s really helping smokers get off of cigarettes, and is helping young people feel cool without feeling the need to light up. This new research predicts that in the future there will be a 21% reduction in smoking-related deaths and a 20% decrease in life-years lost, all because of Ecigs. It’s a douchey thing that’s also making the world better! Who knew??
Turns out, Kevin and Mick Jagger have a lot in common. Yes, Mick Jagger is a wildly successful Grammy winner and the lead singer of one of the most iconic bands in all of music history. But what makes he and Kevin virtually the same is the fact that they are both bringing a new life into the world. Kevin has impregnated his wife, who loves him very much. And Mick has impregnated his 29 year-old girlfriend, who I’m sure loves him a little. She is pregnant with his 8th child, which is a lot of kids, but I don’t think finances are really a problem right now. I don’t think he and his girlfriend are very serious together, but then again I haven’t been following Mick Jagger’s love life. The one thing we know: the man is potent. And soon his girlfriend Melanie will be buying Costco sized bags of diapers, applesauce, bibs and everything else an old man and a baby could need.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are being lied to. Because when you sit at that sushi bar and order tuna rolls; when you grab that wasabi and smother your sushi with it, what you’re really grabbing is LIES. Part of me already knew this was true, but it turns out most of the wasabi served in restaurants, even higher end sushi restaurants, is not real wasabi. Most likely, what you’re eating is horseradish and spicy mustard mixed with green food coloring. And don’t get me wrong, it’s still delicious. But you’ve probably never had real wasabi because in reality it’s extremely rare and is even difficult to come by in Japan. And why? Because when grown wasabi roots need to be constantly enveloped in a steady stream of water, and even if it survives the growing process it takes about 15 minutes to prepare in a restaurant. The deception is hard to take, but that one-and-a-half star sushi hole down the street from your house just doesn’t have the time to cultivate wasabi root and serve it to you freshly grated. If you thought the lies would stop at “imitation crab mix,” you were wrong.
Let’s hear an uplifting story about Bay Area real estate. Sadly, there is nothing uplifting about this. Homes aren’t getting any cheaper and for most people the idea of owning a home around here is impossible. According to a new study on the current state of home ownership in America, you only need to make about $162,000 a year to live comfortably in San Francisco. That ain’t so bad, right? It gets a lot better if you go to San Jose where you need about $120,000 to own a home and live a normal life. Of course, you could move to Sacramento where you only need $56,000 a year to own a home, but then again it’s hard to put a price on eternal boredom. Also in the top five for most expensive cities for home owners was Washington DC, Los Angeles and New York. To live in those places, you’d only have to make about $80,000 a year. The average house in D.C. costs half a million bucks, which isn’t half bad for a big city. In San Jose it jumps to $800,000 and then you get to the big Kahuna: $1.1 million in San Francisco. This is why million dollar listing San Francisco could easily just be a season full of studios.
We can’t let you get through your day without something that could kill you today. Or kill your children at the very least. Liquid Plumr! That lovely, gooey, thick solution you pour down your drain to unclog the mountains of hair building up in your sewer pipes. Of course, if you drink a gallon of this stuff you will surely die. Most people know not to do that, but kids don’t. And that’s why $5.4 million bottles of it have been recalled. As it turns out, those child-proof caps aren’t so child proof, and children are easily able to open them. There’s nothing kids love more than playing with toxic chemicals! Of course, usually this stuff comes with a giant label saying “keep out of reach of children,” But in my opinion, if you’ve got a childproof cap all bets are off. But if a child even comes into physical contact with drain cleaner they can get rashes, severe skin and eye irritation and so much more. So when people started noticing that the caps were opening with ease, and that a lot of them were leaking for no reason they reported the problem and the recall was issued. Thanfully they were able to recall them before any injuries or deaths came through. So, if you purchased Liquid Plumr January 2012 and May 2016, you are entitled to a refund, so get that sweet $8 back, baby!