So far this week has been chock full of conspiracy theories. Yesterday the big headline was that Hillary Clinton “takes the double.” In other words, she hires a body double to make appearances for her on a regular basis. Today, it has moved on to someone we hear a lot of on this show: Mr. Kurt Cobain. Kurt has been dead for 20 years, but according to people on the internet he is alive, well, and also Peruvian. He has apparently been living as a man named Ramiro Saavedr, who sort of loosely looks like Kurt Cobain but with brown eyes and really jacked up teeth. He does seem to look a lot like him when he’s impersonating him, which he did on a Peruvian reality show recently. That’s how all this bullcrap started. Ramiro came out onstage with large sunglasses and a Cobain wig, and proceeded to sing “Come As You Are” sounding a lot like the original studio recording. This prompted so much contraversy that Nirvana has personally responded on the issue. Their response? “Yes Kurt is alive and well, he just needed time to learn guitar on his right hand.” Do you see any resemblance? See the performance here:
There have been many apps created for the lonely people of the world. There are apps for people who have no lover, who have no one to eat dinner with, or even no one to smoke weed with. But what about the frumpy kid sitting by himself at the lunch table in school? He deserves an on-demand friend service too, and that’s why Sit With Us has just launched. This was yet another app created by a teenager, but it aims to save anyone from the public humiliation that comes with sitting alone with your lasagna in the cafeteria. Just open the app, find an “open lunch” nearby, and click to join them. You could even host your own lunch and invite people who may or may not flake on you! Whether you’re new in school or have just been repeatedly rejected by numerous friend groups, you’re the center of attention when you use the Sit With Us App. So if you want to sit with a table full of loner rejects, give it a download!
As long as reality television is still alive, Bear Grylls will be there teaching people how to kill and eat an alligator. And when he’s not getting criticized for doing that, he’s busy teaching NFL stars how to start a fire with their own dreadlocks. That is just one of the many highlights from his most recent episode with local athlete Marshawn Lynch. I know his terrible attempt at making a movie about himself didn’t go so hot, but he’s retired now and has all kinds of time to guest star on old reality TV shows. And because he’s Marshawn Lynch, you can rest assured the episode was entertaining. This makes me wish he would go back to refusing to speak, like he did during those Seahawks press conferences.
San Francisco teaches us each and every day that tourists have the ability to ruin anything. And unfortunately that includes the windiest street in the city, Lombard Street. It has been a large tourist destination for some time now, but either tourism has increased or the tourists are just getting douchier, because it’s certainly taken a *TRIGGER WARNING: A Bad Pun Is Coming!* “turn for the worse.” Black SUV’s have been cascading down Lombard, equipped with people hanging out of the windows taking selfies. Worse than tat are the fleets of people on Segways creeping down the street going one mile an hour. And then of course there are the packs of people blocking off the street completely just so they can get a good picture angle. It’s gotten so bad that the neighbors say it’s no longer enjoyable to live there, and they want to do anything from creating tolls to banning cars in order to stop it. People littering and even breaking into cars on the block have become a problem. Another solution is to hire safety monitors or security to patrol the street and make sure people are behaving. I’m not usually one for tolls, but in this case I think it’s a swell idea.