This time of year, there are a lot of things that can offend people. But then we learn that nothing can offend more than a good holiday cup, and for once the focus is being taken off of Starbucks and has moved to McDonald’s. As of now they’re selling Holiday Peppermint Mochas in some very festive red cups which show two white mittens together, with some text in the middle saying “Warmest Greetings.”
Seems innocent. I’m sure people didn’t think much of it until someone noticed that the mittens; the shape of them and how they are placed, look a lot like a person bent over spreading their cheeks.
That greeting looks warm alright…
Much like our Holiday Santa window display looked like a penis to some people, these mittens look like someone showing you their starfish. A few people have taken the liberty of drawing fingers onto the mitten thumbs so that they look like hands spreading the cheeks apart, and now no one can enjoy their peppermint mocha without feeling the need to gag. Which might have happened regardless, but still. People are upset and a rep from McDonald’s had to make a statement saying our cups are “mittens, not hands,” and it’s not their fault that people see otherwise.
If you know a male friend or significant other who can’t seem to stop adjusting his balls, here’s a great gift idea for him. I imagine if you’re a guy and you don’t have everything tucked in properly, you may have to make regular adjustments throughout the day to ensure your own comfort. But most of the time this means sticking your hand down your pants, or trying to grab yourself nonchalantly & make it look like you’re just wiping something off of your pants. But now there is a solution and it is called Eletrunks. The underwear for men that make it possible for you to adjust yourself with ease.
Voila, no ball scratching needed!
They look like regular boxer briefs, but your junk fits perfectly in a little pouch, which keeps your junk away from your legs, and there is a little string connecting the bottom of the pouch to the top of your underwear. That way, if you need to adjust yourself, you just tug on the string at the top of your underwear. You can get a proper adjustment without anyone knowing. They even have “chafe-free zones” around the legs to keep you from sticking to yourself throughout the day. So if you want to get this for a man in your life, they’re $28 bucks a piece: http://www.eletrunksnation.com/
There are a lot of programs out there giving money to the less fortunate, whether it’s indirectly through a program or simply handing out cash to families that have been through hard times and need a little help getting back on their feet. But what happens when poor families are given cash to spend on school and housing? Do they actually spend it on school and housing or do they spend it on cigarettes and tramp stamps? Many would think cigarettes and tramp stamps, and a lot of places won’t give out cash to families for exactly this reason. They don’t trust them to spend it on the things that matter. But after going through some data and crunching some numbers, experts are finding out that the opposite is true. When families are given cash grants for things like school and housing, they actually do spend it on such and it has no effect whatsoever on the consumption of cigarettes and booze. In fact, in some cases it even reduced it. They have no idea why yet, but they suggested it might have to do with the fact that the cash is usually given to the mother in the family, who is more likely to spend it on the kids rather than booze.
There’s nothing like picking up a nice Apple Cinnamon or a Burnt Cookie Dough Yankee Candle and filling your room with smells of the things you wish you were eating. This time of year candle companies see a big a big spike in sales because a candle is the perfect non-gift you can give, especially to a coworker or a teacher. But if you purchased a Yankee Candle from their Luminous Collection, you just gave your friend the holiday gift of hand lacerations! Since launching the product line, customers have complained that the glass surrounding the candles is not heat-proof, and that if the candle is lit the glass will break leading to possible lacerations or even could set your house on fire. People leave these Yankee Candles lit in their houses for hours at a time, so if the glass breaks it could be a huge problem. So they’ve recalled 31,000 candles from their Luminous Collection, including:
|1535651||886860520823||Sea Salt & Coral|
|1535890||886860520793||Blackberry & Sage|
|1535891||886860520786||Apple Blossom & Melon|
|1535892||886860520816||Sugarcane & Honey|
|1535893||886860520809||Pine & Sandalwood|
|1535894||886860574048||Cinnamon & Cedar|
Santa’s house is cool and all, and he’s been living there a long time with Mrs. Claus, but have you ever wondered just how much he probably pays in rent? I mean, you can’t just plop yourself into a house and expect to live there for free just because you’re Santa Claus!! So what is Santa’s real estate worth in the current market? Well, Zillow has decided to figure that all out for us. They’ve broken down Santa’s 3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2,500 sq ft North Pole home and if you were to buy it off of him right now it would cost you $657,000. That is the Zestimate for Santa’s house. This is taking into account that it’s an old property, built in 1822 but it apparently got a remodel in 2013 which significantly upped the value of the house, the reindeer stables and the workshop area and the spacious garage for the sleigh all really up the value of the home. Also, if his house were in San Francisco right now it would be worth roughly $2.7 million dollars. So if you’ve ever wanted to see what the interior of Santa’s house looks like, there’s a whole virtual tour on Zillow and maybe you can even make an offer so that Santa can make some nice profit and move to a studio in Oakland.
I know most people assume that food only gets better over the years. Especially in the Bay Area. We have some of the best restaurants in the world, and when you eat things that are impressive the natural response now is to take pictures and post about them. But because we can’t stop posting about food, chefs are now more focused on the presentation of their food rather than how it tastes. For example, there’s a place in Japantown here in the city called the Chocolate Chair, and they sell something called “Dragon’s Breath,” or colored rice balls soaked in liquid nitrogen. There are lines down the street everyday for this stuff, and people love it because when you eat it, smoke comes out of your mouth and you look like a dragon. It makes for the perfect snap or Instagram post, but the reality is that these things actually taste like cardboard and they also freeze the crap out of your mouth, which can be very unpleasant. But no one cares, because it looks cool. It’s all being called “camera cuisine.” People are not making things that taste good, they’re just making things that are Instagram-worthy. Food creations like the rainbow grilled cheese, the cake that looks exactly like a raindrop, ice cream logs, all that stuff looks cool but tastes like crap. Let’s bring back GOOD UGLY FOOD!