People love talking about all the things millennials are ruining. They’re ruining the cereal industry, the bar soap industry and countless others, but what industries are they helping? Well, the tech industry is an obvious one. But here’s one that might surprise you: the Botox industry. Millennial botoxing us up, up, up according to some new stats. Apparently there is no Instagram filter strong enough to cover those 18-year-old wrinkles, so the younger generations are flocking to the nearest Botox clinic to ensure they never age, ever. Botox injections for people between the ages of 19 and 34 have gone up 41% in the last five years, and they’re even seeing a big increase in the amount of men that are getting it done. One person said it ‘just makes me look a little less tired and more freshened up.’ Millennials are also a lot better with staying out of the sun and using sunscreen, so this is just another way to stay young as long as humanely possible. Instead of saving up for a new computer, they’re saving up for a needle in the face. So if you see a bunch of younger people walking around with zero expression, know that they’re really smiling.
If you’re headed to the airport today, long term parking is probably full. For the first time, people actually want to go to the airport. Even if they aren’t flying anywhere. And how has the Bay Area reacted to the ongoing protests on the Immigration Ban? Well, companies are coming together in droves to do their part. BART started off by letting everyone on Twitter know that their trains will happily take anyone to SFO in order to protest. They even have ads up on BART cars saying that racism, sexism and homophobia will not be tolerated, ending with the powerful message “get your shit together.” Other companies like AirBnb have said they will offer free housing to refugees and anyone affected by the ban. Meanwhile, Google is raising $4 million dollars to help anyone affected by the ban and one of their co-founders was at even seen at SFO protesting. Lyft announced they’re donating $1 million dollars to the ACLU. On the other hand, Uber is losing users by the minute since their big statement during the protest was that they weren’t going to enforce surge pricing. A lot of cab drivers were there protesting and many people thought it was uncool that Uber was going to use this experience to get more rides. That coupled with the fact that one of their co-founder Travis Kalanick is one of Trump’s advisors gave birth to the hashtag #deleteuber, and now I bet Sidecar is feeling pretty good about itself. So yes, it was another tumultuous weekend, but on the bright side anyone who had a new year’s resolution to get in shape is actually keeping up with it due to all this marching.
When rumors start circulating on what is to come on the next Game of Thrones season, you have to tread lightly on the internet. Click one wrong blog post and you’ve completely ruined the season for yourself. But once it’s been spoiled for you, it takes over and suddenly all you want to do is spoil things for others. We saw this happen on our show with The Walking Dead, where somebody called in and spoiled the show for Kevin, and he responded beautifully by giving our audience his personal phone number over the air. But there is one very important friend of the show who shares Kevin’s hatred for spoilers. Maisie Williams. After some spoilers on the 7th season came out, she had something to say to all those people out there who love spoiling things: You are all childish and annoying. In a recent interview she said it’s really, really upsetting when something they’ve worked so hard to put together gets spoiled, and in many cases it’s even harder because the spoilers have obviously come from the inside. It’s frustrating because the amount of people who actually want to see the spoilers is so small compared to the rest of the people who watch the show. So to all you spoilers out there, a direct quote from Maisie Williams is ‘Stop ruining it.’
We’ve learned time and time again that our phones are disgusting piles of bacteria. We take them into the bathroom and pretty much everywhere we go, so there’s countless amount of fecal and harmful bacteria on them. Then we make it even worse by constantly touching them and holding them up to our faces. That’s why it was exciting to learn that in Japan they started putting toilet paper for your phone in bathroom stalls so you could clean off your phone while you did your business. But what if you had a phone that you could wash on a daily basis? Introducing the new Rafre Smartphone. Yes, I know it’s not a catchy name, but just listen to how cool this thing is: It’s 100% water proof and also has an added resistance to foaming body soap, making it perfect for constant scrubbing. It’s meant to make it easier for you to keep your phone clean, so washing it every night in the sink or the dishwasher can be part of your nightly routine. You can even take your phone in the shower with you if that’s something you’ve been waiting for. Also, the touchscreen works while wet so if you’re in the middle of washing your phone and you get a text message, it doesn’t have to wait. You can even sit on your phone while you’re in the bathtub. The options are endless with the Rafre!
People want equality and they want change, but more than anything else they want Hamilton tickets. These tickets are in more demand than any other musical ever. And with demand, comes duping. And you’d better believe people are making all kinds of money selling counterfeit tickets or up-selling tickets after buying them in bulk. There are two guys in particular who have made craploads of money duping poor innocent people who just want to see colonial people rapping, and now their ticketing crime ring has finally been exposed and they’ve been arrested. These guys made a total of $81 million dollars, and it was all built on tickets that don’t exist. They would go around buying blocks of tickets to Hamilton and other popular events and re-selling them for profit. However, once they got the money they wouldn’t actually give the people the tickets. Seems like a good idea, but $81 million dollars later it caught up with them. Sitting in jail ever Hamilton Ticket Fraud sucks ass, but that’s what you get for duping theater people.
Whether it’s a pony, a hermit crab, a dog or a hamster, little kids are always dying for a pet. As a child, there is nothing more amazing than a parent saying “yes” to your constant pleas for an animal. Yes, after three weeks you’ll totally neglect it because you can’t handle responsibility, but you don’t know that at the time. And you can also be happy knowing that science is on your side. According to a new study, there is a reason why you love animals. You love them because they make you feel a stronger bond with them than a sibling or anyone else in your family. Parents, if you want to make your child happy, you should get them a dog instead of a new brother or sister because in general kids will always get along better with pets. They’re the one they turn to for compassion and companionship, not their stupid sister who talks back to them. Getting your kid an animal will have a more positive impact on your child’s social skills and emotional well-being. Specifically, “The fact that pets cannot understand or talk back may even be a benefit because it means they aren’t being judged.” So there you have it. A child can be totally themselves when they’re around their pet. In reality the dog is probably judging you, but you’ll never know. So just enjoy it.