When the apocalypse comes, we may all be scrambling to survive. But you can rest assured that no matter what happens, rich people will be A-Ok. As we’ve learned, it’s the 1%ers of the world that are currently building first class bunkers and bomb shelters to save them from doom, and if a giant asteroid strikes us all they’ll likely be the first to get on a rocket ship and get the hell out of here leaving us all to burn into oblivion. And we’re one step closer to that now because Elon Musk just announced that he’ll be taking 2 rich tourists up in space for a tour of the solar system and a lap around the moon. Elon’s company SpaceX has been testing rocket ships for some time now, but still haven’t even gotten humans into a low orbit around the Earth. But that won’t stop these two people from having faith that by 2018 they can take their journey. These private citizens wish to remain anonymous for obvious reasons (because everything thinks they’re douches), but we do know that they approached Elon saying they wanted a week-long cruise in space. In my opinion they probably just want to visit space now so that they’re used to it when it’s time to move planets. Elon wouldn’t reveal the price of this space cruise, but they estimate it’s likely around $90 million dollars. So if you see a couple of tech billionaires that are seemingly on the same week-long vacation around the time this rocket launches, we’ll have a good idea who it is and we’ll know that when the world ends, they’ll be the first to make their getaway.
Ok, we may not be rich enough for a space cruise, but let’s talk about an equally important first world problem: we’re running out of vanilla. Whether you’re a chronic Skinny Vanilla Latte drinker or you just have that one bottle of vanilla extract from the one time you made brownies, this affects you. One of the biggest vanilla suppliers in the world has just come out and said a vanilla shortage is headed our way. Madagascar grows the most vanilla out of anyone in the world and their crops are lower than ever this year. But people can’t get through their day without their four pumps of vanilla, so the price of vanilla way up because there is so much demand. The company said “The state of the global vanilla market has deteriorated to levels unimaginable,” and that all of the vanilla currently being warehoused has pretty much already been sold. If we don’t figure something out soon, we could have a real problem on our hands in a very short amount of time. How are basic bitches supposed to get through their week without a skinny vanilly??
I know it’s hard to find good van news, but sometimes it can be even harder to find good radio news these days. It doesn’t have a good reputation; there are always stories about how it’s dying and that podcasts and Pandora are taking over the world. Now, we’ve run into yet another problem. This doesn’t affect our radio station in particular, but if you’re into HAM radio you’ve probably been experiencing problems with static lately. And the reason is weed-related. Because so many people grow their own weed now, many of them growing indoors with heat lamps, the electricity is messing with the radio frequencies and it’s become a real problem for the HAM radio community (if there is still one out there.) And if you have a HAM radio and you also grow weed, you are creating your own problem. It’s gotten so bad that the American Radio Relay League has gotten involved. They want the FCC to start cracking down on these indoor grow lights that are causing so much interference and not complying with regulations on electricity use in private homes. Also, states keep increasing the amount of plants you’re allowed to grow in your own home. So it’s getting worse and worse and the FCC can’t really regulate it. It’s too bad HAM radio has to suffer, but it’s for a good cause (all of us getting high).
United Airlines might be screwing us over by taking away our overhead bin space, but don’t worry. They’ve got something new for all those lazy people out there who don’t want to make the drive from San Francisco to Santa Rosa. Sure, it’s only about 50 miles away from here but if there’s traffic it could take you a couple hours so why not make it easier on yourself and pay $400 to fly there? That is the brand new flight being offered by United Express. A forty minute flight from SFO to Santa Rosa. By the time you get to the airport, get through security and get on the plane you probably could have been there already. This is now one of the shortest flights being offered on any airline. The airfares if you look them up start in June and go for about $400 round trip. So will this be the new way locals get out of town for a weekend getaway? Probably not. And this probably won’t last at all because last time United did this they offered a flight from SFO to Sonoma and they discontinued it. Stupid.